


Stuff Never Said

by ladyrcons



Series: Never [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Crushes, F/M, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-24
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-03-08 20:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3222161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyrcons/pseuds/ladyrcons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever had that feeling of love? You know, the one where you'd do anything for that person? Yeah, that one. It sucks when they don't share that same feeling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stuff Never Said

**Author's Note:**

> My sister, M, and I were talking one night about writing a story where Derek and Stiles had known each other for a long time, and one of them had fallen for the other in that time. But, the other didn't feel the same way. It's an unrequited love story, so I'm sorry if that's not what you want. Take this as a warning. There's going to be a sequel told in Derek's POV that I'll post later. If the writing seems weird, it's because M wrote the first part but didn't finish so I had to finish it, and out writing styles are different. I hope you enjoy this.  
> P.S. It's un-beta'd

_“The trick of attraction is that it doesn’t make any sense” -_

Karrie Rudzinski “Dreams”

Stiles has always been there for Derek, ever since first grade when the taller bigger second graders picked on him for being a spaz and Derek bit one of the kid’s arms. And Stiles knew, Stiles knew he was different, he knew he blinked too much and he knew he tapped his pencils a bit faster than other people. He knew that it was odd not having a mother, and he knew thin and awkward was not a positive characteristic of anyone at any age. He knew he was an easy target for the third grade bullies, he didn’t care, but apparently Derek had.

No, Stiles didn’t know Derek, but he knew Derek’s cousin. Actually, Scott and Stiles were best friends. Inseparable since pretty much birth (where Melissa and Claudia joked about their kids—who being born on the same exact day— would eventually be the greatest of friends) the two of them had been seen hanging out wherever they went. Stiles knew Scott, not Derek. Derek was just some third grade kid who didn’t really talk and sat at lunch. Yet Derek stood up for the boy.

The second grade bullies had been closing in on Stiles; he felt the words start piercing him even without them opening their mouths. When a tall—or taller—child walked up behind him and told the bullies to go away. Stiles—in all his humility— fell to the ground and curled in a ball, because let’s be honest, Stiles could handle second graders who picked on him, but third graders who could beat him up, no thank you.

He had waited for the first blow, but instead had been bestowed a soft hand on his shoulder, and surprised didn’t cut it. Stiles was eternally grateful—more so than the little green aliens in Toy Story—so much so that he began sitting next to the boy during lunch instead of just leaving the old brute to mope in his corner. Gradually Stiles’ other friends followed, and it was like this, and it’s still like, that much hasn’t changed.

\-----------

Not much changed during middle school, Derek and Jackson and Scott and Stiles all joined the Beacon Hills lacrosse team,—even though some of them really sucked at it (and by some Stiles) — Lydia Martin joined their team of misfits in an attempt to “be less mainstream”, Erica Reyes (a new kid with epilepsy) became one of Stiles’ closest friends because of Ms. Blake’s inability to explain prepositions and apparently Erica was the bomb at them. Use your resources right?

And Stiles was still there for Derek, he never left; and He, Derek, and Scott would hang out in the Hale-McCoy home a lot. Stiles met Laura— Derek’s older sister who was in high school, and was a cheerleader, and was possibly the most terrifying person Stiles had ever met—and Cora—Derek’s baby sister. He learned about the Hale family. About how Peter married Melisa because he knew Scott needed a father and because it was either the two of them or none of them. It wasn’t a big deal, Peter had Malia—his own daughter—but he had always secretly wanted a son too. He got one, And Scott got a dad.

Stiles learned that the Hales actually had old money going for them. Something about investments, and figures, and things that went completely over Stiles’ head, things that Stiles gave no shits about. He learned that Talia and Eric had been high school sweethearts and that they had actually been engaged for seven years before they actually tied the knot.

And the Hales, well, they learned things about Stiles too.

They learned that Stiles was actually a straight A student. They learned that even though he signed up for sports each year he never expected to play, he just liked being a part of something bigger. They learned that he could play clarinet and liked listening to Eric Clapton because of the hurt in his voice. They learned that Stiles was shy, yet exuberant. He was small, yet big. That Stiles loved helping, but being helped was not an option.

They learned things.

They learned that Stiles’ mother died of frontotemporal dementia. That Sheriff Stilinski had briefly developed an alcohol addiction but turned his life around when he very nearly hit his son. They learned that Stiles, for all his laughter and smiles and stupid cheesy jokes, had enough sadness to age him tenfold. And they knew. They knew that Stiles would be there for Derek. Just like Derek had been there for him.

\-----------

Things in high school got complicated. Stiles started feeling things and it started to freak him out. Not because he saw boys his age and let his eyes wonder. Not because it was easy for him to jerk off to the thought of Orlando Bloom. But because it was just as easy to jerk off to the thought of one of his best friends.

And Stiles felt sick.

He felt disgusted. So he did the only thing he could do. He faked it. He pretended to have crushes on girls as he saw Derek flirt with others. He let himself believe that there was too much of an age difference. He pretended to not care. He didn’t. Until he finally did.

Paige. Her name had been Paige and Derek swore she was the one. Her dark hair and shining eyes were a stark comparison to Stiles’ light hair and dull light browns. He thought of each moment the couple spent together. Each hour they had with each other. And it killed him.

He began thinking on his feelings, dwelling so much that he decided he would speak to someone about it. So he spoke to Lydia.

“You like Derek!”

“Could you possibly be any louder? No I don’t like him….at least I don’t think…” Lydia had rolled her eyes so dramatically that Stiles had felt the shame wash over him like a river.

“Not at all, you just think of him until you cum in your hand is that it?”

“God that was crude.”

“You don’t just like his body Stilinski you like him, which I really don’t understand, he’s intensely emotionally constipated.”

“Says you, you’re dating Jackson.” Lydia laughed softly, “You got a point there.”

They had ended the conversation the same way they would eventually end a lot of their future conversations. “Stiles, just tell him know you feel, the worst he could do it say no.”

\-----------

By the time Paige and Derek finally broke up there were three months left of the boy’s senior year. Stiles had been extremely enthused at the idea of finally being able to tell the Derek his feelings that he had completely forgot about the fact that the boy wouldn’t feel the same. That was when reality hit, reality in the form of cruel words and a sharp spite behind them.

_With someone who is not you._

The words played over and over and over in his mind until he couldn’t remember anything else Derek had ever told him. It wasn’t like Derek didn’t apologize, he did, but Stiles had had a feeling that it had less to do with what was said and more to do with Lydia badgering the poor guy. And so it began.

Stiles have always been there for Derek, but Stiles was starting to want more. So Stiles began doing his own thing. He began eating without Derek and more with Scott. He drove around town in Lydia’s car, not in Derek’s. He spent more time in the Reyes’ household and less in the Hale, yet he couldn’t deny the guilt he felt at purposefully separating himself from Derek. Especially during his last months in Beacon Hills, but Stiles couldn’t bring himself to have courage. So he was a coward instead.

\-----------

On the day Derek left for college Stiles packed all of the man’s junk—and all of Jackson’s junk—in his jeep and the three of them headed to UCLA. They drove for hours in silence, only speaking when they switched drivers. It was awkward.

Stiles blamed Jackson when he told the story to Lydia.

\-----------

“So that’s all I take it?” Stiles asked solemnly. He wanted to conceal his complete devastation of having Derek leave, probably forever, but that wasn’t what Derek needed. Derek needed support. Derek needed a friend. Derek didn’t need Stiles, Stiles needed Derek. Stiles has always been there for Derek, but Stiles was starting to wonder if it was healthy.

Derek turned to him and smiled, “I’m going to miss you.”

“Hey, I have two years, and you are coming back for the holiday’s right?”

Derek grabbed Stiles and pulled him into a hug. “I’m still going to miss you, thank you Stiles.”

Stiles felt tears prickle at the corners of his eyes. He did feel guilty, but for other things. He felt guilty for things like being in love with his best friend, things like avoiding him for a whole three months, things like being petty. But when Stiles was being hugged by Derek the only thing he could think about was the empty car ride home and the next two years without his favorite Hale.

\-----------

The next two years were agonizing for Stiles. When Derek was home he was always doing homework or studying for test he’d have once he got back to school. That didn’t mean they didn’t hang out, they just spent a lot of the time they did have to hang out in Derek’s room. And while this was perhaps the start of every fantasy Stiles had had of the man since ninth grade, he still had no idea how to react to him.

Today had been just another day. Stiles had come to sit in the room while Derek did American Lit on the bed, pages and pages of notes spread in front of him. The light casted just enough shadow for Stiles to look up every few seconds to remind himself he was not dying. Derek was quiet, until he placed his reading glasses down and looked over at Stiles.

“I heard you got a boyfriend…”

“What?” Stiles asked almost dropping the small self-painted action figure in his hand.

“Scott told me you got a boyfriend, so I assumed that’s why you didn’t call as much as you did last year.”

“Uhh…” “Stiles, why didn’t you tell me?”

“That I’m Bi? Or that I was dating Isaac?”

“You dated Isaac?”

Stiles shrugged, “Yeah, so?”

“Stiles, Isaac is head over heels for Scott. He never stopped talking about it when you two were freshmen.”

“Oh I know.” Stiles said

“Then why did you date him?”

Stiles shrugged again, “I know how it feels…to kind of not be noticed by someone, so I helped get him noticed.”

Derek rolled his eyes, “Just tell me next time.”

\-----------

Once college started for Stiles he and Derek fell right back into place, Siles has always been there for Derek. They watched movies together, they went to parties together, and they just generally hung out together. It was like middle school all over again. And it was good, until Kate got into the picture.

Four years.

Stiles told himself as he looked at the way Derek held Kate’s hand a little too long after he shook it. Or the way Kate stared a little too long at Derek as she smiled.

Four years, it wouldn’t last long

\-----------

“It won’t last long.” Stiles told Scott, Lydia, Erica, Isaac, and Boyd—Erica’s boyfriend— as they sat around a park table on their spring break. “It can’t. They’re not compatible.”

\-----------

After graduation Jackson, Erica, Boyd, Scott, Isaac, Allison—Scotts’ new girlfriend—and Stiles go out to eat. Derek doesn’t come home that summer, choosing instead to spend it with Kate. However, before they leave, they spend a Sunday morning in a diner—trying to recuperate from the graduation party hangover. As the whole gang arrives and squishes into a booth, Stiles looks out to see Derek and Kate walking over hand in hand.

He catches Scott’s worried look, but he only shrugs his shoulders. “Four years.” He says instead just as the door opens and a smiling Kate and Derek enter.

Scott just scowls.

\-----------

He’s sitting in the Hale house the first time he sees Derek after the day in the diner. Stiles has been visiting the Hale family and explaining how he applied to the Beacon Hill’s fire department. He’s going to begin training in about a week, and he’s super excited. Peter is about to make a comment, when Derek come rushing in straight towards his mother, and smiles a blinding smiles.

“She said yes Mom!” He shouts, and the whole house goes silent for a brief moment. Stiles notices everyone look at him quickly, as his face breaks into a grin.

“I believe congratulations are in order.” He says smiling towards Derek whose grin just gets bigger. Stiles’ comment seems to break the silence since everyone begins to slap Derek in the back or pull him into a tight hug, while simultaneously congratulating him.

Stiles walks away from the living room towards the hallway to catch his breath and fight off a bit of panic. He doesn’t notice that some has followed him until they lay a hand on his shoulder. It’s not one of his finest moments when he jumps suddenly with a yelp, and turns to glare at his attacker. Cora is staring at him with fierce and determined eyes, but Stiles can feel and see the pity in the way she is gripping his arm.

“Are you okay?” She asks earnestly.

“Yeah.” He answers looking towards where Mr. Hale has brought out the champagne.“It’s not going to last long. Four years only.”

He leaves before they can invite him to stay for dinner. Derek is the only one who mentions his absence.

\-----------

“Four years.” He mutters to himself as he fixes his suit in front of the church mirror.

Four years, he has to remind himself as he sees Derek repeat his vows and say “I do.”

“Four years.” He mutters to Laura as Kate announces that she’s pregnant barely a month after the marriage at a Hale family dinner.

Stiles stops going to them soon after that announcement.

Four years, he thinks as he holds his godson, Darcy, in his arms after his birth.

They didn’t last long, Stiles was right because four years on the dot from the day that they met, Kate leaves. She says that she’s only going on a short vacation.

Stiles knows that it’s not true.

\-----------

When he walks into the apartment, he sees Derek holding a sleeping Darcy’s hand tightly in one hand, and a bunch of papers in the other. And the only thing running through his mind is, she finally did it. So Stiles doesn’t sigh or say a word, instead he just walks over to the couch and slowly pries Derek’s hands open. He carefully picks up a sleeping Darcy, and places him in the his nursery. Then he begins to make dinner, bypassing Derek who’s frozen in place.

He doesn’t bother Derek until dinner is ready and Darcy begins to cry. Derek gets up to eat, but he doesn’t say a words. Stiles doesn’t push, choosing to clean-up and leave Derek to his thoughts. He’s waiting until the news sinks in before he overloads Derek with some more news.

“Stiles?” He says sounding so broken and on the verge of tears. Stiles looks at him straight in the eyes. “I’m so glad to have you.” For a moment, Stiles is hopeful that Derek has finally understood. He knows that Stiles loves him. “I couldn’t have gotten through any of this without you.” His heart is beating faster, and he opens his mouth to tell Derek. “You’re such a great friend, and I hope you’ll always be that for me.”

He doesn’t go home afterwards, instead, he drives all the way to Scott’s apartment and climbs the stairs. Some part of him knew that this was coming, but another part had hoped. There’s nothing that he can do as he finally gets to Scott’s door and knocks on it a few times. Scott answers with a huge smile and ushers Stiles in quickly.

“So, did you finally tell him?” Scott asks. Stiles shakes his head. “Why not?” Scott looks confused.

At that moment, Stiles realizes that Derek doesn’t want anything more than friendship from him, and he can accept that. Because Stiles will always be there for Derek, just not in the way that he wants.

“I didn’t tell him.” Stiles takes a deep breath. “I didn’t get a chance because he told me that he’s happy that we’re only just friends.” That night, he decides to move on for the best. He spent too much time loving someone that will never love him the same way, and that’s okay. But he wants to love and be loved, so he gives up on Derek. It’s the best he can do because he’ll always be there for Derek.


End file.
